Cut my wrists and black my eyes

beautiful_crys @ 2005-05-01T23:17:00

2005-05-02T03:19:55Z

yeah this short little shabang is for mike because he wanted me to write in here for some odd reason...

I LOVE MY FRIENDS AND MY BOYFRIEND THEY ARE THE BESTEST IN THE WHOLE WORLD!

Cus I'm just a teenage dirtbag baby...

2005-04-18T03:34:55Z

hey beautifuls -

Once again an amazing weekend <3 god I just cant get enough. So I'm going to give a rough outline of what went down because I'm tired and there is school tomorrow, bleh.

Friday - Walked around with Dana for a bit. Gina got dropped off and Me, Dana, Gee, and Rose hung out around the village, eventually Justin showed up with ::puts on retarded voice:: Howie, wow I'm such a goober. Anywho, so the night ended unfortunately, I went home attempted to clean my room but then mike called and well that's more important then life its self so I fell asleep while talking to him [whoopsies, I love you babe.]

Saturday - RUSH'S B-DAY! I woke up semi-early and got ready, the boys showed up and we did the usual drive around till we get car sick rutien [sp]. Then we went and got Rush her b-day presents and dropped them off. So yeah we drove around some more and then decided to stay stationary in the Village. We joined in Rush's shindig and it was by far the greatest time I've had. We all sat around a fire, roasted marshmallows, and listened to the guys play guitar. People that didn't already know mike, met him and they all get along, I was getting compliments all night about "how cute we are," how fricken awesome. So me and mike wondered off on our own at around 11 and went back to my house. We watched movies for quite sometime and then passed out.

Sunday - We woke up, picked up Gee, and drove around some more. I went to go see an open house with my mom, it was the house she grew up in and the one my grandmother lived in before she died, oh boy, tad bit depressing, but I had mike there so it was all shits and giggles, god he's so awesome. Okay anyway, so at around 3 we called up Relz and hung out with her and rush and button and some other cool kids that I love and it was just oh so fun. Eventually everyone went their seperate ways and Me, Gee, Mike, Dana, and Sonny went out to eat and did all that fun stuff. We dropped Gee off at around 6? maybe it was later, I cant remember. We went back and parked in the pool area for a while, almost got arrested [oh shit], and then the boys left. Now I'm sitting here falling asleep writing in this thing because I'm worn out.

Bedtime kids.

I love you mike
- britty <3

Ask her if she's a saint and she'll get down on her knees and pray <3

2005-04-11T03:36:50Z

ha chipper is a funny word <3

yeah fucking a-m-a-z-i-n-g weekend, i love my friends, i love my boyfriend, they all rock my socks and that's all I have to say. point . blank . period

Well, I would write about life and its kickass events but I'm beat, maybe if you get lucky i will write about them tomorrow in accounting, bleh school :-/.

I love how my mom will ask a question and when I give her an honest answer she'll go "Hm" like I'm lying...

Oh well she can shove it up her ass.

I need to re-do my journal and myspace [if I can even remember how.]

I love you more then anything in the world Mike!
- britty <33

Because your all I want, your all I need...

2005-04-04T03:46:05Z

Holy Jesus ... ::sigh::

Another weekend down and so many more to come, It's Sunday night and we have school tomorrow, I think I'm more upset about that then anything else. I suppose I'll let you all in on what went down this weekend because it was quite the event and I had fun, as usual :-P.

Friday - Well I woke up fighting with the fam, but I guess it's all the same nowadays, I'm playing the role of the misunderstood teenager and its not fun, not fun at all. So after fighting for what seemed like forever, I cried it out and then got ready to go out. I went and picked up Gee and we went to Friendly's to grab something to eat. While enjoying the festivities we remembered that it was April Fools Day. So we called up a whole bunch of people and told them that we were in a car accident, yada yada yada, to make a long story short we had a handful of people crying. So when making people cry got old, we went back to my house and decided to go to the movies with Dana, Rosie and a bunch of other people, so me and Gee got a ride up there and walked around the shopping center till about 10ish then went back to my house and watched Coyote Ugly and fell asleep.

Saturday - Me and Gee woke up at around 9 and got ready because the boys were coming down [!!!] At about 11ish they got here and it was raining, I really don't like the rain, it makes your hair look like poop, but its so much fun to make out in :-D. So we went to the Village and got Dana, we basically spent the whole day cuddling and watching movies hard-core at Gina's. So at about 9, the rain stopped, and we all piled in the car to get some ice cream. We ended up back in the Village till about 11 then we dropped Gee back off home. On the way back to my crib we went to Blockbuster and got "House on Haunted Hill." We finally got all situated and watched our movie, and I don't recommend it because it was dumb, point,blank,period. So at around 3 I passed out in mikes arms [awwwe] and that was that, I was down for the count ... damn Daylight-savings Time.

Sunday [today] - We all crawled out of bed at around 10, and got ready to go out. We headed out the door at about 11 and grabbed something to eat at the Marlton Diner at about 2. After breakfast/lunch we went to the bowling alley where we met up with Gina's mom, brother, crazy state trooper uncle and his fiance. We bowled for a bit and then left and went back to the Village, Gina left? and then the four of us went to Sals and got some Pizza. After that I was forced to say my good-byes. Tonight they weren't so bad, maybe its because I know there are going to be millions of weekends to come and eventually a lifetime to live with the one and only Mike Bahto.

I just got finished talking to Mike Marshall [sp] I missed that kid, I honestly don't understand how I can just let things drift from my life like that, well he is awesome and I love him and that's all that matters.

Well britty has school tomorrow and its definitely going to suck major cock, so I'm going to hit the hay [woooow]

I love you mike
- britty <3

beautiful_crys @ 2005-03-26T21:37:00

2005-03-27T02:40:41Z

hello darlings -

yes well I had this sudden urg to write in the livejournal [god knows why] I have recently started to loathe the livejournal because it involves giving effort but hey whatever.

Spring brake finally started, ::sighs:: I just want summer to be here, god this summer is going to rock.

I'm so mentally and emotionally shot. I can't take living in marlton anymore, I really cant. I'm tired of all the catty bullshit, I'm tired of the fake people who wouldn't know friendship or what its like to care about someone if it bit them in the ass, I'm tired of distance, I'm tired of always wanting to be somewhere else when I'm stuck here and there is nothing that i can do about it, I'm tired of having the burden Brittany Lynn-Marie Sonnessa, I'm just so tired of it.

School has turned to shit, friends, psh who knows the meaning of the word anymore, I have two true ones and that's all I really need, screw the ones who aren't going to be there because I don't need the extra stress.

ugh I just cant take it anymore. screw writing in this thing, it just makes me contemplate and I cant do that anymore.

I love you mike
- britty <3

I'd send the pain below, much like suffocating ....

2005-03-18T02:09:06Z

hm so yeah, life has been quite the whirlwind lately, and I've neglected the livejournal once again ::gasp:: my bad kids.

Well, I guess I could give you the pointers of what's been going down for the past couple weeks that I have been nonexistent in the land of journals...

+ Me and Ashley are friends again [woot woot.]
+ I quit peoples and recently got a job at Olgas [yay?]
+ School sucks but spring brake is a week away!
+ Gina is in friqqen lake placid till Monday, what the fuck am I going to do?

That's really all that I have experienced lately, it seems that nothing is really all that exciting around here anymore. So yeah, that's basically all I have to write about for now, I'll try and update every couple days like I used too.

I MISS YOU GEE!!! BFFL <33

I love you mike <3
- britty

Well I give up trying because your everything to me.

2005-03-12T14:59:36Z

yes, I'm still alive

<3

Where oh where can my baby be?

2005-02-28T17:27:14Z

Hey kids -

Wow its been a long time since I wrote. Things have been the same I suppose. Some key highlights that happened over the past weeks are:

+ Mike and me had our three month anniversary yesterday; him and sonny came down most of the weekend.
+ Ashley and me aren't friends anymore, but hey whatever her choice not mine.
+ Mark got his license.
+ I've applied for a billion new jobs, and I am waiting for their call back sometime soon.

That's mostly it I guess. Nothing really new, always the same drama, but hey that's how life goes I guess. This weekend was a lot of fun, Friday me and Gee hung out at the mall, tried to make new friends but it didn't work out very well, haha Gee <33. Saturday Mike and Sonny came down early and we drove around, got Dana, and Gee came later in the day and it was a lot of fun. Sunday, Mike and me woke up and went out to breakfast at the Marlton Diner with Dana and Sonny. It was me and Mikes anniversary!! Woot woot! The rest of the day we just hung around, threw snowballs at annoying little kids who gave me the finger, I know, we are just so cool. At around 3 Dana had to leave so we picked up Gee and went driving around till we ended up at the mall. After we got kicked out of the mall for playing with “mall equipment” we went out to eat at Friendlys. At Friendlys Sonny got sang too because "it was his birthday" haha his face was priceless. After dinner we dropped Gee off and then the boys had to leave. Ugh I hate goodbyes, they are the worst. I went in my room after they left and it was just so quiet, so depressing. Today the school day was only a half day because its supposed to snow hardcore. So yeah, I'm going to go take a nap, and then its off to work, bleh :-/

P.S. - I have a myspace now: http://www.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewProfile&friendID=4226685&Mytoken=20041104160627

^ go for it <3

I love you mike.
- britty <3

beautiful_crys @ 2005-02-15T06:35:00

2005-02-15T11:36:18Z

"There goes the world ..."

It almost feels wrong to bleed again ...

beautiful_crys @ 2005-02-14T23:20:00

2005-02-15T04:21:48Z

After all this .. all I can do is wonder why

You are the light that is leading me, to the place where i find peace again.

2005-02-15T00:05:43Z

hey kids -

oh boy well its been an eventful weekend, "Always a story to tell.."

Friday - Me, Gee, Ash, Jess, and this girl Janet got off on Gee's bus. We met up with Steve Gorman and then decided that we wanted to go the Village. I got my dad to pick me, Ash, and Gee up and we met up with Rush, Relz, Myers, and Moff. So we all just hung out around the Village and then this girl Jackie called Ash's cell so we went to her house and hung out with her till Ash had to go home. Then me and Gee walked over to Binders and hung out with Binder and Mark till me and Gee had to leave.

Saturday - I woke up at around 8ish, I think, oh well that doesn’t matter. Mike and Sonny got to my house at about 10 and me and Mike exchanged Valentines day gifts. He got me this life size teddy bear, four dozen roses, that’s right four dozen, chocolates, and a necklace with a "B" on it. He is absolutely amazing. I couldn’t even fit the roses in one vase. Kinda makes me laugh. So after we finished with the gifts we went back out to the car and went to Gee's. After picking her up we went over to Dana’s, and waited for her to come out. It turns out Dana wasn’t aloud in the car to drive around, and that caused some drama through out the day, but then again you cant have a weekend without a tad bit of drama. Eventually Dana and Sonny went back to Dana’s till around 6:45. In the meantime me, Gee, and Mike got Binder to come out and we drove around in the "Shagon Wagon" [hahah Gee] At around 7 everyone but Binder headed over to the movies. We met up with Dana, Sonny, Luray [sp], and her friend Ben. We all wanted to see "Hide and Seek" but its rated R and AMC sucks major penis, so we all just ended up leaving with out seeing a movie. Gina drove us back to the Village illegally, but then again you cant have a weekend without the illegalness either. After that we all just chilled in the van till we all had to be home. Me and Mike got back to my crib and passed out on the couch together after watching "The Sweetest Thing."

Sunday - I woke up at around 8 and woke Mike up. We chilled and watched TV all morning till Sonny called and said Dana had to go to Philly with her maj for a couple hours and he couldn’t go. So we got dressed and Sonny picked us up. We ended up wondering around for a bit and then ended up in the Ghetto, don’t really know where, but it was some where along the border of Philly. So I told Sonny to make a U turn and we would go over the bridge and go to Philly for a while. As Sonny attempted the U turn, he hit the curb and popped his tire. Wonder-fucking-ful. I must admit it was quite the riot. Mike was flipping out but me and Sonny thought it was funny, kinda bad how I can think that’s hysterical. So we drove with a flat till we found a garage. They let us use their jack and got on the spare that Sonny had in the back [thank god.] After that event we went to South Street <33 It was orgasmic, it really was. So we went shopping in Condom Kingdom, got some pizza and headed back home. We got lost in Camden on the way back, and we were almost running out of gas so we got directions back from the Indian dude that works at the gas station. We finally reached the Village once again and Dana met up with us. Mike and me kicked Dana and Sonny out of the van and went driving for a bit, had a lot of one on one time, it was awesome. We met up with everyone again after that and saw Ben and his new g/f, how cute. They invited us to go to the Marlton Diner with them to celebrate Ben being off grounding and not being sent away [which i am ecstatic about by the way!] So we met them there and realized none of us were hungry, haha so we left. After that Mike, me, Sonny, and Dana sat in the parking lot by the pool, listened to music, then me and Mike went for a walk, god it almost feels unbearable to be away from him, I just cant think about it anymore, I'm trying not to cry ... again. We got back to the car, and Sonny and Mike decided that they would start heading back because it was a school night. They tried to start the car, and it was dead. So me and Mike walked to Binders and asked if he could jump it for us, he said he couldn’t, so we went back and tried to start it again, and it worked. We drove Dana home and as soon as we pulled into the front of my house the car died. I went in and got my Dad, and he tried to jump it, the car started for about 5 minutes and then died again. So we all stood outside in the cold thinking of things to do. Sonny called his dad, explained what happened. Everyone’s parents were pissed but mine. The towing company couldn’t get there till the morning, and no one had that type of money to tow a van from Marlton to Maywood. The only option was to stay at my house for the night. Mike, Sonny, and me stayed up pretty late and then I fell asleep on Mike again, poor kid.

Monday - We all woke up at around 9, I DIDNT HAVE TO GO TO SCHOOL! WOOT WOOT! Alright sorry, I'm finished. The tow truck came and took the Shagen Wagen to a garage in Cherry Hill. So since we were all stranded at 44 hawk lane for the day, we laid around like lazy ass's and watched Jerry Springer and music videos till around 2. We went to the car garage and picked up the van. Sonny, Mike, and me headed back to the Village to wait for Dana to get off the bus so that her and Sonny could say their goodbyes. I really hate goodbyes, they are the worst part. So they left at around three, they dropped me off, and I laid on my bed for two hours and just thought about life, and eventually I fell asleep, crying can wear a girl out. My parents woke me up a little later and we all went out to dinner. Now I'm home, and just relaxing. I really don’t want to do the make up work tomorrow.

HAPPY VALENTINES DAY EVERYONE!

I love you mike <33
- britty //

It's only you beautiful <33

2005-02-08T21:15:24Z

hey kids -

Wo0o I really don't know what's going on anymore, all my emotions are all fucked up and its just making me sick to my stomach. It seems that no one is ever happy anymore, there is always something wrong. I'm not going to name any certain instances, but just trust me when I say, being sixteen is anything but sweet. I really miss the days when the biggest problem was that your socks didn’t match, or you didn’t like the picture you were coloring that day in Mrs. Martins 3rd grade class. I miss when the trouble of the week was what you were doing this Friday night, whether you were going to scooters or the movies. I miss the days where you only knew the people in your hall and the middle school was the biggest school you ever saw in your life. I really miss the days where you thought dieing wasn’t going to be an issue till you were 90 and old, when people believed that I wasn’t hiding cuts under my sleeves or bruises behind my eye makeup. I really miss those days when people thought I wasn’t hiding a million tears behind my smile. It was the days where nothing was really wrong, the days when depression was something that happened to other people, not you. Now those days are over, innocence is lost and everything is out, its normal for girls to go to the bathroom after lunch because they think that being skinny is the ticket to acceptance, or girls who wear long sleeves year around because they were thrown down stairs by ex boyfriends, or lost the most important people with a blink of an eye, or they would get hit by their dads, and would go home every night to put a 45 year old alcoholic to bed. I would just miss the days when I could be tucked in at night. There’s no such thing as sugarcoating things anymore, and I hate it when people try to. They shouldn’t waist their breath. How’s that for “pampered, spoiled, and naïve.” Think and say what you want, but I’m anything but, I promise.

As for my last sentence in that blurb on how life sucks, if your lost, then stay there because apparently your on the outside and I’m just stating the facts for a childish girl who believes she knows everything there is to know about life and me, when she really has no idea.

School has been going okay, I feel like sometimes I'm climbing a mountain of butter, everything I do takes so much effort and I don't get as much credit as I should. I'm really tired of school, its taking a toll on my mind and my body, it just feels like I'm in a whirlwind and no matter how much I try to pull myself out, its impossible. Cunt rag Mrs. Bryant skipped our group this week again, dumb bitch. I'm really not in the mood to go to work, I just want to sleep, I'm going through sleep deprivation. Well, here goes another pointless night of Peoples, which I'm quitting by the way.

<3 mike
- britty //

I lie here shaking on this bed, under the weight of my regrets.

2005-02-06T16:52:37Z

hey kids -

This weekend has been eventful, seriously a lot of emotion flying around on my part, but I've had a blast.

Friday - Me and Gee got off at the Village [I mean what else is new?] We hung around Cypress with Binder, Relz, and Rush. We stood around and watched Binder impale his little brothers and Gina with snow. It's quite amusing I must say. So when it got boring, everyone stopped and we just stood around and chatted. Binder and Rush both went inside and Gee, Relz, and me went to relz and watched Napoleon Dynamite. That movie has to be the biggest waist of life I have ever experienced, but it was really funny and I had nothing better to do so who cares? So Corey and his two friends were there, stoned off their ass's, and that was more amusing then Napoleon Dynamite.

"I wear the fuckin pants, no better yet, I wear the jeans, with the rips at the bottom from my boots, and the paint on one leg! I wear the mother fuckin jeans when I go to work with my tool box in one hand and my lunch pale in the other!"

Oh my f-ing Christ. Corey makes my life. So yeah, rush arrived and partayed with us cool kids for a bit and then went home to get ready for Mr. Cherokee. Corey and his buddies left and then Villa came over because everyone was going to Mr. Cherokee [woot woot?] haha. So me and gee wondered around the Village for a bit and then my fasha picked us up and took us over to Cherokee. We met up with the crew and the show was funny. Shish was escorting Tim, how adorable <3 So that went down till about 9:30ish and everyone headed back to Relz. Ummm the rest of the night cant be posted on here, its being kept hush hush.

Saturday - I woke up fairly early, around 11ish, maybe? Anyway not important. I didn't have a ride anywhere till like four. So I basically talked to mike on the phone, played video games because I'm an uber dork like that, and then finally got picked up by Gina's family at around 4. We got dropped off at DSW and shopped for shoes. Then we went to the hair place so gee could get it cut, and then we got dropped off at the Cherry Hill Mall. I got these really cute jeans at PacSun and some socks also. I wasn't a big shopper yesterday suprizingly.

"Do you like to leave bruises or scars?"
"Scars"
"Just give her a little tap to let her know who's boss."

hahaha gee, oh man, good times, good times. If you didn't get it, then your on the outside. So we got picked up from the mall and went to Gee's grandmoms. Watched half of Final Destination 2 [really good movie] and then got picked up by Monica and met up with people at On the Boarder, yumm Mexican food. So me and Gee made friends with the host, guy, person. We didn't get out of there till like 11:30 [we were big partayers.] I got home, and the night just went down hill, I cried myself to sleep but didn't get to sleep till about 4ish. Gotta love it <33

Today - hmm well so far today has been a waist, I'm considering going back to bed. It's the SuperBowl and I'm really not going to watch it. But it's all about the Eagles, cmon now gotta route for the Philly team. Maybe I'll rent a billion movies and waist away in my room, funnnn.

<3 mike
- britty *

"Late night, brakes lock, hear the tires squeal, red light, can't stop so i spin the wheel. My world goes black before i feel an angel lift me up and i open bloodshot eyes into fluorescent white. They flip the siren, hit the lights, close the doors and I am gone.

now i lay here owing my life to a stranger and i realize that empty words are not enough. I'm left here with the question of just what have i to show except the promises i never kept? I lie here shaking on this bed, under the weight of my regrets. I hope that i will never let you down. I know that this can be more than just flashing lights and sound."

beautiful_crys @ 2005-02-03T11:14:00

2005-02-04T02:17:33Z

Hey kids -

I feel like absolute shit today. My head feels like its going to explode, I’m in cold sweats, my throat is killing me, it hurts to breathe, talk, you know the things that are necessary to go through the day in high school, my lungs feel like they are going to collapse … rah. I'm writing this in accounting, surprise surprise. There’s never anything better to do in this class. There isn’t to much to write about, in overall the past two days have been better then any other day this week, minus the sickness [if that’s even a word] and the fact Mr. Weinert has cancer.... yeah. I really miss my boyfriend, its almost unbearable sometimes. I'm really beginning to loathe fuckin Marlton; it’s all just over rated. I'm going over Gee's today [looking on the brighter side of things.] Maybe we will hang out with Jess, I haven’t hung out with that slut in a long time, starting to miss my hoe hardcore <3

Alright well I'm going to go to my locker, roam the halls, the usual.

Love you mike <3
- britty //

beautiful_crys @ 2005-02-01T13:19:00

2005-02-01T18:23:58Z

So tell me again if I'm beginning to be replaced, then what's the fucking point of trying so hard not to give up completely? What's the point of fighting my parents not to send me away, if the only reason why I wake up every morning is knowing I have at least some one who gives a shit about me, then what's the point if it's not there anymore? There's no point in being here.

Yet I'm nothing more then a line in your book ....

2005-01-31T00:33:18Z

hey kiddos -

Its been a good amount of time since I've updated everyone on my life and how its been going. Well, this weekend is over already. All last week was midterms and I did alright, not as good as I wanted too, but hey I tried as hard as I could. This weekend was yet, another amazing sequence of events ...

Friday - On Friday me and Gee got off on the Village bus stop. It was a half day so we just hung around places with Binder, Dana, and Jen. Me, Gee, and Binder drove around for a bit, you know the whole deal. My love relz was grounded so we watched some of the Season Two of Friends with her. Those are really the only highlights I can remember about the night, other then that, it was a typical Friday night in the Village. [not that that's a bad thing!]

Saturday - Hm well Saturday was the greatest day ever. I woke up at around 9, took a shower, and got ready because Mike, Sonny, and Brian were coming down to visit! who0 ho0. They finally got here at around 11ish or 12ish, I don't remember. I answered the door to 12 long stem roses, because my boyfriend is the fucking greatest guy ever!! :-D haha it made my day. So we left my house, went to get Gee, socialized a bit with Gee's rents and after getting Gee we went to pick up Dana and just chilled around the Village for a bit. After we did so, we went to the Mcdonalds and the Cherry Hill Mall. At around 5ish Dana got a call from one of her friends saying there was a show at GrandSlam, so we went back to my house, ate some pizza, and headed to GrandSlam [of course having no idea where the place is] So I got to drive the shaggonwaggon to the show, almost killed everyone, but it was all in good fun. We got to the show [alive], saw Rush, Villa, Moff, the whole crew. 15 minutes into the show, we realized that it was pointless to be there, so we left and just drove around. We ended up in Philly again, and didn't leave there till late, I passed out on the way home, and it felt so nice to just open my eyes and see Mike laying right next to me, god I love him so much, words cant describe. So after Philly we ended up parked in Cypress Ct. once again. It started to snow and Sonny and Dana went for a walk, as did me and Mike, Me and Mikes walk consisted of trying to throw eachother in snow and talking about how much we love eachother. How perfect So we came back to Sonny and Dana telling us they are going out. Apparently a lot happened on the walk around Cypress for Dana and Sonny haha. So everyone was happy go lucky and we left, went to Gees to get her sleepover shit, and then all six of us went back to my house, got comfortable on the couches with the fireplace and watched Meet the Parents and SNL. After TV got boring everyone but me and Mike went into the kitchen and dicked around while me and Mike stayed in the living room and spent some quality time together. By the time everyone came back into the room me and mike were passed out so we attempted to separate rooms [you know the whole co-ed sleepover deal, potty-minded people. tisk tisk tisk] Everyone finally settled down at around 6 a.m. and went to sleep.

Sunday - we woke the boys up at 8:15 the next morning. haha, talk about lack of sleep. At around 9:30 we all walked to the Van and drove around, stopped by the 7-11 because I had to have my chocolate milk :-D, and just dicked around till around 12 when everyone had to head back home. Wow it was the hardest thing to say good-bye. Ugh so Mike left me his hoodie and his keys [because one of the keys on the keychain is to his heart, haha <33] and drove off back to Maywood. Me, Dana, and Gee all sat in my kitchen after that, reminiscing about the past day and a half. I had so much fun. Mike makes me feel so good, I just wish I could have it everyday. My mom was kinda being a doushebag today, but hey, what else is new? Anyways my dad drove Dana home and then dropped me and gee off at her house. Me and gee got to her house and passed out, we were so tired. So after our little nap, I got picked up at around 4 and now I've been sitting here baby-sitting for the past forever and a day, life seems pointless tonight, I just have that kind of blah attitude. It's going to be so hard to adjust to normal time schedules this week, Cherokee hasn't seen a full day of school in at least a week and a half.

Random Thought on long-distance relationships - In a way long distance relationships make you a better person in the end, you learn to enjoy all the time you have with the person instead of letting it go to waist or taking it for granted, its almost impossible to get tired of the person because you barely get to see them, and its almost impossible to get really down [even though I manage more then enough] because there is always hope for a better tomorrow. Every second you spend with the person, just looking into their eyes and doing the cute things boyfriend and girlfriend do seem more important then if you had it everyday. Sure sometimes it feels like it would be cool to just call Mike up and ask him to go out to lunch, or come over, or meet me after certain class's, but it almost gives me comfort that I have the weekends to look forward too because I can spend it with him and if not with him, then my friends, because those are really the most important things in my life. I don't know who or where I would be if it wasn't for my friends and Mike. Everybody has their bad days but things get better, and even though people/things tend to change, its the experiences that make you stronger and make life a little more interesting.

Well, I'm kinda tired given that I got no sleep this weekend. Comment or I'm not going to write anymore.

tied to the testing of wills
when my heart breaks and spills
left to the sight of the sky
in your arms i'm defined

Oh yeah, it has definitely been two months and three days that me and mike have been together.

I love you mike <33
- britty *

Fill it out, post it in my comments, or you die <3

2005-01-24T00:47:25Z

What Would You Do If
-I cried:
-I asked you to help:
-I was becoming suicidal:
-I killed myself:
-I died from natural causes:
-I said I liked you:
-I kissed you:
-I quit smoking:
-I stole something:
-I was hospitalized:
-I ran away from home:
-I got in a fight and you were there:
-I got dumped:
-I pissed you off:

What Do You Think About My
-Personality:
-Eyes:
-Face:
-Hair:
-Clothes:
-Voice:

-Humor:
-Choice of music:
-Mannerisms:
-Family:

Would You...?
-Be my friend:
-Tell me the truth no matter what:
-Lie to make me feel better:
-Spread rumors about me:
-Keep a secret if I told you one:
-Loan me some cash:
-Hold my hand:
-Take a bullet for me:
-Keep in touch:
-Try and solve my problems:
-Love me:
-Ditch me
-Use me:
-Bang me:
-Date me
-Rape me:
-Beat me up:

Drink up babydoll ...

2005-01-23T04:07:09Z

Hey kids -

It’s a Saturday night at around 10:30ish and I’ve had nothing to do all day because of the stupid snow, I loathe snow. I guess I’ll talk about my weekend so far because I really don’t have anything else better to do but write in this thing…

Friday - MIKES BIRTHDAY! WOOT WOOT! Anyway… Friday was a half day because of midterms. I had my Bio and Human Behavior midterms first. Well I beasted the Bio midterm hardcore, but the Human Behavior one I bombed, kind of sucks but oh well. So since it was a half day everyone got off at the Village, Me, Gorman, Dana, and Steve went back to Dana’s and just stood out in the cold. Then after we did so, I called up Joe and he said he‘d pick us all up, so he did and we went to Wendy’s and then went back to the Village because Joe was working and had to get back to all that important stuff. After we got dropped off at the Village again we met up with Relz, Moff, Rush, Kristen, Dan, Steve Gorman, Tish, [I think that was it] till around 4 when Gee’s mom came and picked us up to go back to Gee’s for a while. So Gorman, Gee, and Me went back to Gees, watched “The Sweetest Thing” [best movie ever.] and then got a ride back to Dana’s house at around 8ish. We got there and once again, wondered around in the dark, coldness till around 11 when we got picked up again and went back to Gee’s. When we got back to Gee’s, we all got changed and watched “The Forgotten” [dumbest movie ever, and I’ve already seen it once.] I fell asleep during the movie so when it was over we went up to Gee’s room and passed out.

Saturday - This morning I woke up to Gee’s grandma screaming bitch, first time I’ve ever heard the lady curse, quite an event let me tell you, who knows why she was screaming bitch, but she was. So we all got up at around 9ish and made breakfast. The rest of the morning consisted of cleaning gees room and putting up pictures. At around 2 my dad insisted on picking me up because the snow was getting bad and he didn’t want me to get stuck at gees again. So I got picked up, went to CVS, Staples, and Commerce with my parents. I got home and wanted to go to Dana’s so I would have the slightest thing to do, but of course that was a no, so I flipped out, slept, and have been sitting on the computer for the past who knows how long. Saturday night, snowed in with nothing to do. Wonderful

I’m really miserable today, lately I’ve been so fucking miserable. Usually I give a shit about what’s going on around me, but now I just really don’t. I don’t care how school is going, I don’t care if I’m going to die of cancer because I smoke, I don’t care about my family. The only thing I seem to care about is my friends, and Mike, the only two things on this Earth that are worth waking up for anymore. I really miss my boyfriend, it almost killed me to not be able to spend his birthday with him, I mean yeah I sang to his machine at 7:00 in the morning, but still, I would have loved to see him. Me, Gee, Dana, Rosie, Ash, and Steve were all just chillen outside in the cold last night, so I called up Mike to see what he was doing and as soon as I heard his voice, I just broke down, to the point where I couldn’t breathe. I’m just so tired of always missing someone. It will all be worth it in the end, at least that’s what I keep telling myself.

<3 mike
- britty *

drink up, baby doll
are you in or are you out
leave your things behind
'cause it's all going off without you
excuse me, too busy you're writing your tragedy
these mishaps, you bubble wrap
when you've no idea what you're like

so let go, jump in
oh well, whatcha waiting for
it's alright
'cause there's beauty in the breakdown
so let go, just get in
oh, it's so amazing here
it's alright
'cause there's beauty in the breakdown

it gains the more it gives
and then it rises with the fall
so hand me that remote
can't you see that all that stuff's a sideshow

such boundless pleasure
we've no time for later now
you can't await your own arrival
you've 20 seconds to comply

so let go, jump in
oh well, whatcha waiting for
it's alright
'cause there's beauty in the breakdown
so let go, just get in
oh, it's so amazing here
it's alright
'cause there's beauty in the breakdown

"You can be my James Dean, and I'll be your sweet queen."

2005-01-19T21:44:39Z

hey cool kids -

I kind of feel like shit today, I don't really know why, but I feel sick to my stomach, bleh. I'll try to tell you what my weekend was like, but for some reason I cant remember for shit, my brain lately has been so discombobulated, damn midterms.

Friday - I don't really remember, I believe Me, Dana, Gee, and Jess hung out at gees and went outside all night and got the feel for Heritage.

Saturday - I woke up at around 7:15 because I couldn't sleep the whole night, it always seems to work out that way when I get to go see Mike. So I took a shower and got ready and we all left the house at around 9. In the car I fell asleep to Coheed and Cambria and woke up to Velvet Revolver ... don't even ask me how that works out because I have no idea. When I woke up we were like 15 minutes from mikes house, the car ride there is always so cool, the New York sky line on a sunny day always seems to give me a sense of sanity. I finally got to mikes and we chilled in his room for a while, it felt so good to get to see him again, oh my f-ing god he is amazing, I love him so much. Eventually we decided to socialize with the outside world and called up his friend Dheil [sorry for the spelling, correct me if I'm wrong.] So Dheil picked us up in his massive car and we went to 7-11, after that we went to go get his friend Danni. After picking up Danni, we went to the mall so that Dheil could return something, and then went back to his house for a while. He has to live in the biggest house I have ever seen. His family is related to Rock a feller or something like that [sorry I'm oblivious to the really rich, famous people in the world.] So we went up to Dheils floor, not room ... floor and I watched mike play the drums. He's so good at it, woot woot, makes me smile :-). I really like their band, I mean personally I prefer Postal Service over Slayer and all that hard-core rah jazz, but cmon now, its mikes band, how can you not love them? Oh yeah, I completely forgot to mention that I met Mikes friend/Dheils girlfriend Erin, she's a nut, but seems really cool. After a while Me and Mike decided to go spend some alone time back at his house, so we walked back to mikes. It felt so good to just be able to walk places with him, I think the whole long distance thing, even though it tends to suck, it makes you appreciate the time you have with eachother. We went up to Mikes room and just chilaxed for bit, then we walked back over to Dheils and went to 7-11 and Burger King. We came back from all that and Me and Mike chilled in one of the many rooms on Dheils floor and we watched some MAD TV [greatest TV show ever] and then went back to Mikes. On our way back we ran into Brian and he told us about the new truck he's getting, woot woot. Then when we got back to Mikes we went up to his room and watched Haggard, funny ass movie. Before we got to finish that my dad and sister showed up and we all had dinner. When dinner was over I got that feeling in the pit of my stomach because I knew that we had to leave. I fuckin hate saying good-bye, so I say see you later [haha, little insider for you there, if your on the outside, then good, stay there.] Anyway, we left and I cried the whole way home and thought about life in general, it just all sucked, the whole end of the night was too much to handle. I got home and talked to Dana, Gee, and then Mike, eventually I went to sleep.

Sunday - Damn it was so hard to wake up, I seriously cant stand being away from Mike all the time. My license cant come fast enough. So I got up at around 11 something and went to Gee's. Me and Gee spent till around 5 just chillen and doing our answering machine thinger majigors [haha yeah what losers.] At around 6 my dad picked Me and Gee up and we all went to Dana's. Dana, Me, and Gee went to Friendly's and then back to Dana's again. Eventually Gee and Me went back to Gees and Dana went home. When Me and Gee got back home we watched Desperate House Wives, CSI, Little Black Book, and part of Shriek 2 but I was falling asleep so we went to bed at around 3.

Monday - Ash came over Gee's bright and early and woke us up. When we were all dressed and ready we went to Home Depot and Shop Right with Monica to get things for the house. After coming home and unpacking everything from the car we all walked to Jess's. Jess is a lazy slut and never gets off her ass so we sat and watched this freaky movie about a black girl fucking her dad and then killing him ... yeah, so anyway, we left Jess's at like 4 and I got picked up for work. Work was gay, but then again its not supposed to be fun.

Friday midterms start, bleh, I'm going to try really hard to do good. Lately everything seems so hard, I really cant stand highschool anymore, its just all stereotypes and drama, way to over rated. It's snowing out and I have to go to work, I'm going to hope that school gets canceled tomorrow, but calling that wishful thinking is an understatement.

I love you mike <33
- britty *

Wake me up, i know that i am drowning in blood.

2005-01-18T21:35:55Z

Just thought I'd tell you all, I'm living and there's more to write about but I have to rush off to work now and ill try and write later tonight if I'm not too tired, or tomorrow in accounting.

Love you mike <33
- britty *

So take a look at me now ...

2005-01-10T20:17:30Z

hey kids -

It's been a while since I’ve written anything important and im in accounting, so I'm going to talk about my weekend.

Friday - Friday the bus on the way home was packed, Tish, Gee, and Gorman came home so that everyone could hang out in the village. We got back to Gina’s old court, talked to binder for a bit, and then walked to WaWa so gees mom could give her money. We got to WaWa and stood outside forever, started some fights, and used binder as a get-away car. Good times, good times. We returned back to the village and went to Bens, We saw Kyle, ugly tom, and all the people that we haven’t hung out with since the beginning of the year. After Kyle left for ocean city, Gee and me walked to Dana’s. Jen was there, so we decided to go walk around, we went to Party Ware House, got kicked out, and then went to McDonalds. While sitting in McDonalds we all decided to go see a movie with Tara. So Gee, Dana, Me, and Jen walked back to Jens and Tara picked us up. We got to the movies and saw “White Noise.” Oh boy.. I was in my sweatshirt most of the time, I think I bit Gina, and I couldn’t talk afterwards because I was screaming so loud. Maybe I’m just gay like that, but it was one of the scariest movies I saw in a long time. After the movie, we walked outside and there were so many people there, we ran into Jess and a bunch of other people, and then got dropped back off at Jens. Jen had to go inside so Gee, Dana, and me went to get Binder. We stood outside on his porch for a bit and then walked back to Dana’s house. After a while of sitting in there, my dad picked me up, we dropped Gee off, and I had to go home alone, no one could sleep over. I hate that right after I see a scary movie I cant even walk into my own house. I talked to Mike on the phone and that got my mind off of it enough to fall asleep. <33

Saturday – My mom woke me up at around 11, which kind of sucked because it was raining and I didn’t have plans right away, so I wanted to sleep later. So once I was up, I called Gee to see what was going on for the day. It turned out; the plan to sleep at Dana’s got all messed up because Dana’s mom didn’t want her out or anyone at the house. So our back up plan was to sleep at Gees. At around 4 I picked up Jen and headed over to Gees. We got there and about an hour later we went over to Friendlys. I f-ing love Friendlys, so many good memories. So anyway, Rosie showed up and we all ate. Then Joe stopped by and sat with us for a bit and offered to take us home. So we all piled into Joe’s car, stopped at WaWa, and then got dropped off at Jess’s house. We dragged Jess outside, and walked back to Gees. We all just chilled for a while; till Jess had to go home and then Gee called up Gabby and told her to stop by. So when Gabby got there, we all walked to the Park at Beeler Elementary, Gabby was shitting her pants on the way there, and complained the entire time we were hanging out there, she eventually called her boyfriend, Will, because she was scared, so he stopped by in his nice car, that I extremely enjoyed sitting in seeing as I was freezing my balls off. After he left, Binder showed up and we walked back to Gee’s house and warmed up in the playroom, played some cards, some air hockey, and then Gabby and Binder got picked up. So Gee, Rosie, and me were playing SPOONS and discovered the un-used makeup kit that Gee got for Christmas, and umm used it, had a little to much fun. To see the out come, go to my picture site, I promise it’s entertaining. So we went upstairs, washed our faces, and Mike called me, it was around 12 or 1 in the morning, so we talked for a while, Gina tried to rape me, and then we got something to eat and went to sleep at around 2. Very fun night <33

Sunday – I got woken up by Rosie and Gee at like 8:30 a.m. Talk about a grumpy blonde. I eventually got over it and then Gorman came over [yay!] Rosie left for work at around 10, and then Gee, Ash, and me got picked up and taken to the nail place in the shopping center next to Gina’s development. We got our nails done, played in the massage chairs for a while, and then went to the Cherry Hill Mall. We shopped for a couple hours, and left at around 5ish I think. We dropped Gee and Ash off at Gee’s and then I went home, unpacked all the shit I bought, folded some wash, and then the fam and me went to The Olive Garden and ate dinner. I drove everyone home and for the rest of the night I was attached to the computer downloading songs, and the phone talking to Mike… I know I’m such a loser.

The Postal Service is an amazing band, one of my favorites now, thanks to ash because she told me about them. I downloaded some of Mikes “hardcore rah” music, and its pretty good, very angry, but then again so am I so it all works out nicely.

School today hasn’t been anything new lots of midterm review, woot woot. I'm wearing my pink slippers today, they are so comfortable :-D. It’s really hard to type with nails, but I guess I’ll cope and get used to it. Hot pink nails … how fun <33. I have work tonight and don’t feel like going at all … rah, life was so much easier when your parents gave you money, all you did in school was color, it was okay it mismatch socks, and the biggest fight you had with anyone was over the red crayon.

alright well, bells going to ring ...

I’m out like a fat kid in dodge ball.

I love you mike <33
- britty

woot woot gangsta

2005-01-06T22:24:19Z

rah im a tiger.

Everybody needs somebody.

2005-01-05T04:03:10Z

wow ... just fucking wow.

Ms. McCormick was on something a little extra today. Maybe her shit was laced? What a wackjob.

Life isn't good enough to write about at the moment.

I miss mike a lot, and I really hate that gee moved so far, I really fucking hate it. I hope this weekend is like all the rest, I pray that maybe it'll give me hope that life hasn't made a complete turn around, who knows, maybe I'm just exaggerating, or maybe I just can't stand when something's change. I just wish i didnt feel so left out of everything, and I don't know why, but I feel ignored and it really is starting to suck.

I might go see mike on the 15th to celebrate his early birthday, and then maybe, if he can, he's going to get a ride down on the 29th so we can be together around our two month anniversary [the 27th], hopefully everything works out but with my luck something will get messed up. I seriously just live for the days that I can be in his arms, the fucking nights I can get lost in his eyes while driving through philly, looking up at the buildings and the night sky just confessing every feeling we have at that moment while laying in eachothers arms, and whether the feelings are good or bad, we are not judging eachother, just falling deeper in love because everything feels so perfect. Then all the while our friends, the people that mean the most to us, laughing in the background over the lady getting mugged or the dumb shit that they are yelling out the window to the 50 cent whores on the street corner, or maybe they aren't laughing for any reason whatsoever, they are just on a natural high because life is at its climax when speeding down Broad St. in the middle of the night when we are all really supposed to be in Marlton and not Philly. We are all having the time of our lives, just being teenagers, falling in love, and making some of the memories that we will take to our graves.

Whoa... I really don't know where that all came from, but there you go, I guess it's just the mood that I'm in. Today was my last day of driving, I learned how to parallel park and I'm good at it, for once, I'm good at something. I almost cried because when we had extra time to just drive around he told me to go anywhere I wanted, and my first logical thought was Gina's, and then I wondered what would happen if I picked up gina and ashley and just took off to Maywood, if he would happen to notice and tell me to turn around, and if I would even listen.

Leave some notes that might make me happy.

Gee - call me tomorrow morning, love you <33
Dana - thanks for making me feel better, i love you nucca!
Ash - just so you dont feel left out, i fucking love you!

I love you mike <33
- britty *

Until the day I die, I'll spill my heart for you.

2005-01-03T00:40:21Z

hey kids -

Well, the past couple days have been eventful, I don't remember how long ago I wrote about something interesting, but ill start with New Year's Eve and then talk about yesterday.

New Year's Eve - I woke up at around 11 something and got ready because my driver instructor was going to be at my house at 2. So at around 1:30 he showed up, and we left. It felt funny to drive again but eventually it kicked in. We sat in traffic for a while and then he took me on the freeway, it wasn't as scary as I thought it would've been, I love driving with a burning passion. So at around 4 he took me back to my house, I got my wash out of the dryer, folded it, hung my fall out boy poster and then packed for Gina's house. At around 5 we went to an Italian restaurant and had dinner with my dads friend who owned the restaurant, he's a really nice Italian guy and is an actor and his whole restaurant is lined with pictures of the people he's met, it was cool to have dinner with someone famous. So after dinner I got dropped off at Gina's house. Almost all the boxes are unpacked, it still doesn't feel right when I walk into the house :-(. Dana and Jen got there shortly after me and then we walked to Jess's. After we begged for Jess to come out, we all walked up to K-Mart and tried to look for Kevin to say hi, but he wasn't there. Gee ran into her friend Katie, she was nice. After K-Mart we went back to ginas house and chilled in the playroom and played spoons and this boardgame that was really goofy, the kind of board game that Dana, Jen, Jess, Gee, and Me would play. Eventually the ball dropped and the whole party walked around the block screaming happy new year, it was one of the best ways to brake in a new neighborhood. So after we got back from being assholes to the new neighbors that were trying to sleep, we all just kinda chilled, had a lot of good memories, lots of laughs, and then went to sleep at around 4 or 5.

Saturday - The next morning I got up before everyone else at like 8 or 8:30 because Mike was coming to my house :-D!!! So exciting! I got home, took a shower, did some more wash because I'm cool like that, and got ready. Eventually at around 2 Mike, Brian, and Sonny got here in the shagon wagon [me and gees name for Sonnys car.] They all came up to the door, and then Brian and Sonny left Mike there so just me and him could chill. Mike and me exchanged Christmas gifts ... he got me this beautiful bracelet and a green day sweatshirt, hell yeah :-D!! After opening presents we just cuddled on the couch, it felt so good to be back in his arms again, I missed him so much. Brian and Sonny eventually came back, so we all hopped in the van and rode over to Marlton Village to get Gee and Dana. After we got them, we drove around for a while, listened to music and just showed them around marlton [even though there isn't much to see.] So when that got boring we went back to the Village and parked and just chilled in front of gees old house. Eventually people got hungry so we walked to McDonalds and got some food. After that ... well after that something happened that isn't worth talking about because the person that it involves doesn't deserve the time of day, I'll just say that ... it was the funniest thing I have seen in a long time and he deserved every second of it. So we went back, met up with Gorman, Ben, and Rush and then we all hopped in the van, got lost in Cherry Hill for a bit then stopped at bp. Rush and them had to go back to the village so we all went, everyone just kinda drifted off for a while and me and mike sat in the car and talked about shit, and just spent some quality time together, gotta love the quality time. People started drifting back so everyone got into the van again and we drove to the Cherry Hill mall, even though it was kinda closed. Sonny ended up smelling like a French whore thanks to Brian, haha, and then we left. We were back in Marlton before we knew it thanks to Sonnys driving. Once we got back there, we decided to go to Philly, haha, the ideas we come up with... so off to philly it was. we drove on broad street for a bit, i wasn't really paying attention to what was going on after that, all i know is that i was laying with mike listening/singing to music looking up at the buildings that passed by and telling eachother how much we love one another, how effing amazing It was one of the classic moments you have in life.. before i knew it we were back in Marlton. We pulled up to the pool in Marlton Village and I stole the van with mike, I drove around the Village for a bit, omg it was so much fun. I let mike drive next, and almost died, the last time I let mike drive ... ;-) haha. We got back to the crowd and Ash was there with her friend Nichole .. i think that was her name ... but any ways, she stopped by and said hello to everyone, it was good to see her, because it feels like forever since the last time we hung out, I love my gorman <33 So after everyone left it was like 10ish and Gee had to be back at my house so Gee, Me, Dana, Mike, Brian, and Sonny all got into the van again and went back to my house. We all piled in and watched Scary Movie. Dana left eventually and at around 11:15 Mike, Brian, and Sonny had to start going back because it takes a while to get back to Maywood. Oh man, the whole day was just amazing, I couldn't say good-bye. I know I'll see him again, but its almost impossible to go everyday and just talk on the phone with out seeing eachother .. I effin love that kid so much, long distance blows cock, but we can do it. After they left, my dad took us to gees so that gee could get her contacts or something like that. We got home and eventually passed out on the couch, it was such an eventful day we were both so tired. Mike called me at around 1 to let me know he got home alright, but I was to tired to talk for long so I told him I'd call him later on haha. It was the best day, and one of the best ways to start off a new year <33

Today me and gee woke up and watched some TV. Monica picked us up at my house at around 1 and then we went back to gees house and just hung around there for a while. Things seem so different now that they have a new house, everything changed. Gee's parents are just such different people .. It's almost scary, I hope its just a phase they are going through, if not then its going to be hard for me to adjust to this "new lifestyle." My dad picked me up at around 4 and I drove home, I almost took out a tree while trying to make a U turn, I scared the shit out of my dad, it was really funny. I swear ... most people cry when they have their first accident, ill be the only one who will sit there and laugh while they take my smashed car away. Anyways now I'm sitting here baby-sitting while my parents go see the movie.

Winter brake has been a good one overall. Christmas wasn't as great as other years, holidays are always a bitch for me to handle. It was awesome to spend time with all my friends and I was so happy that mike could make it down at least once, and on New Year's Day, it doesn't get better. I'm almost relieved that its a new year, a clean slate, make life worth living again, Last year was bad, not completely terrible, it had its great memories, its good memories, the bad memories, and then it had the ones that I regret ever let happening, but I guess this is all part of growing up. This year is going to be a great year, I can feel it.

I love you mike <33
- britty //

beautiful_crys @ 2005-01-02T12:34:00

2005-01-02T17:43:52Z

Here's the thing we started off friends
It was cool but it was all pretend
Since you've been gone

You dedicated you took the time
Wasn't long till I called to mind
Since you've been gone

And all you'd ever hear me say
Is how I pictured me with you

But since you've been gone
I can breathe for the first time
Im so movin on, Thanks to you
Now I get what I want
Since you've been gone

How can I put it? you put me on
I even fell for that stupid love song
Since you've been gone

How come I never hear you say
I just wanna be with you
I guess you never felt that way

But since you've been gone
I can breathe for the first time
Im so movin on Thanks to you
Now I get what I want
Since you've been gone

You had your chance you blew it
Out of sight, out of mind
Shut your mouth I just can't take it

Since you've been gone
I can breathe for the first time
Im so movin on Thanks to you
Now I get what I want
I can breathe for the first time
Im so movin on Thanks to you
Now I get what I want
Since you've been gone

you got what you deserved.

I love you mike <33
- britty //